To get the border off his back, here’s what Biden must say

Folks, I made a mistake.

As you may know — because, sadly, there is video evidence — I was too casual in inviting foreigners to come to the United States, 

And who wouldn’t want to come here, really?

During a 2019 debate, I told those seeking asylum  to “surge” our border. Yes, I said it.

And they did.

My bad.

Yes, me.

Want me to connect the dots? Many of them were wearing T-shirts asking me, using my name, to let them in.

And I did. Another goof up.

Also, out of a humanitarian concern for those seeking to escape oppression, I said, “you should come.”

And they did.

Based on those same heartfelt but foolish feelings, as soon as I was elected, I started reversing all of my predecessor’s executive orders that were effectively controlling our southern border. And that created chaos.

No malarkey. I’m not joking. I did that, and that surge exploded, even as I, my willing tool Alejandro Mayorkas, and most of the liberal media denied it was happening.

Boy, were we all wrong.

I later learned that according to Gallup, the respected polling operation, 160 million people would come here if they could. Jiminy Cricket. I was so clueless.

What if 160 million showed up? As a nation of 332 million, we would be totally swamped. If just 10% showed up, we’d be doomed.

Proof?

Look what’s happening in New York City. Mayor Eric Adams says it is budgeting $12 billion for migrant services for the next year. He says migrants will bankrupt the nation’s largest city.

He is demanding that City Council redraft laws that make the city responsible for any “newcomer,” as we are now trying to call them.

It is a mess. I wasn’t thinking it through. I didn’t see the consequences.

Now I’m trying to convince you that it’s the Republicans’ fault, but that’s not flying.

In addition to the video of me inviting them to come here, there’s that idiot move where me and every other Democratic candidate for president — except Tim Ryan — said we would provide free medical coverage for every illegal, something we don’t do for American citizens!

So, yeah, I got a lot to apologize for. It’s almost like I was possessed, and doing things that just defied common sense.

I’ve gotta tell you, folks, I didn’t do it for any political advantage — to “create” more Democrats over time, because Democrats have already lost the majority of white men and without abortion, we might lose white women, too. The truth is, in presidential elections, we have already lost the white vote.

So, well, maybe politics had a little to do with it. A smidgen, heh, heh.

But I am here to tell you that you can teach an old dog new tricks, and in this analogy, I am the old dog. Although the other guy ain’t what you would call a spring chicken, either.

Here’s the deal: I kind of lost track of the idea that my first responsibility is to the American people, and to enforce immigration laws already on the books.

I apologize. I am sorry. I was wrong. I will now do whatever I can to wean Republicans away from Trump’s wishes and tell them if they send the border bill to me, I will sign it.

Heck, you can even name it the Republican Border Safety Act, and I will sign it. 

That’s to pay the piper and apologize for the many mistakes I have made on securing our border.