Here’s something that goes around periodically — a satire of the Democratic national convention schedule. I’d be happy to publish a Republican schedule if someone sends it to me. I have looked and can’t find one.
The 2020 DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION SCHEDULE
DAY ONE: Monday August 17, 2020
1:30 P.M.
Free lunch, free medical marijuana, and a free bus ride to the convention. Food Stamp enrollment forms available
2:00 P.M.
Group Voter Registration for undocumented immigrants and deceased citizens
3:30 P.M.
Opening Flag Burning Ceremony
Sponsored by CNN, hosted by Don Lemon
4:00 P.M.
Address on “Being the Real You”
Speakers: Rachel Dolezal, former President of the Spokane NAACP, and former Olympian Caitlyn Jenner
4:30 P.M.
“How to Bank $200 Million as a Public Servant and Claim to be Broke”
Seminar led by Hillary Clinton
5:00 P.M.
“How to Have a Successful Career Without Ever Having a Job, and Still Avoid Paying Taxes.”
Seminar Moderated by Rev. Al Sharpton and Rev. Jesse Jackson
5:30 P.M.
Medal of Freedom presentation to Army deserter Bo Bergdahl
6:00 P.M.
Invitation-only Autograph Session
Souvenir photographs of Elizabeth Warren dressed in Native American clothing
6:30 P.M.
Tribute to All of the 57 States
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi
7:00 P.M.
General vote praising Baltimore rioters, and on using the terminology “Alternative Shoppers” instead of “Looters”
7:30 P.M.
The “Semantics Committee” Meeting.
General vote on re-branding “Muslim Terrorism” as “Countering Islamophobia”
8:00 P.M
“Liberal Bias in Media: How to Make It Work for You.”
Tutorial by CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, the Washington Post and The New York Times
8:30 P.M.
Tribute Film to the Brave Freedom Fighters still incarcerated at GITMO
Narrated by Michael Moore
9:00 P.M.
Personal Finance Seminar: “Businesses Don’t Create Jobs”
Hosted by Barack Obama
9:30 P.M.
Group Condemnation of Bitter Gun Owners.
10:00 P.M.
Ceremonial “We Surrender!” Waving of the White Flag
10:30 P.M.
Short film, “Setting Up Your Own Illegal Email Server While Serving in A Cabinet Post and How to Pretend It’s No Big Deal”
Hosted by Hillary Clinton
11:00 P.M.
Official Nomination of Kamala Harris
Anchors: Bill Maher and Chris Matthews
11:30 P.M.
Group apology for being old and white led by Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden and Bill Clinton.
Anti-Semitism is the oldest hate. Anti-Semitism has a long, inglorious history In the past, it…
Vladimir Lenin reportedly devised the term “useful idiots” to describe people who propagandize for a…
As we wallow in the bad news about pro-Hamas demonstrations on campuses, there is good…
As you know by now, publishing does not (necessarily) mean agreement. It just means it…
“We are Hamas!” You hear it on campuses and elsewhere, but mostly on campus, and…
President Joe Biden got it right on paper -- condemning the surge of U.S. anti-Semitism…