Here come the Democrats

Here’s something that goes around periodically — a satire of the Democratic national convention schedule. I’d be happy to publish a Republican schedule if someone sends it to me. I have looked and can’t find one.

The 2020 DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION SCHEDULE

DAY ONE: Monday August 17, 2020

1:30 P.M.

Free lunch, free medical marijuana, and a free bus ride to the convention.  Food Stamp enrollment forms available

2:00 P.M.

Group Voter Registration for undocumented immigrants and deceased citizens

3:30 P.M.

Opening Flag Burning Ceremony

Sponsored by CNN, hosted by Don Lemon

4:00 P.M.

Address on “Being the Real You”

Speakers: Rachel Dolezal, former President of the Spokane NAACP, and former Olympian Caitlyn Jenner

4:30 P.M.

“How to Bank $200 Million as a Public Servant and Claim to be Broke”

Seminar led by Hillary Clinton

5:00 P.M.

“How to Have a Successful Career Without Ever Having a Job, and Still Avoid Paying Taxes.”

Seminar Moderated by Rev. Al Sharpton and Rev. Jesse Jackson

5:30 P.M.

Medal of Freedom presentation to Army deserter Bo Bergdahl

6:00 P.M.

Invitation-only Autograph Session

Souvenir photographs of Elizabeth Warren dressed in Native American clothing

6:30 P.M.

Tribute to All of the 57 States

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi

7:00 P.M.

General vote praising Baltimore rioters, and on using the terminology “Alternative Shoppers” instead of “Looters”

7:30 P.M.

The “Semantics Committee” Meeting.

General vote on re-branding “Muslim Terrorism” as “Countering Islamophobia”

8:00 P.M

“Liberal Bias in Media: How to Make It Work for You.”

Tutorial by CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, the Washington Post and The New York Times

8:30 P.M.

Tribute Film to the Brave Freedom Fighters still incarcerated at GITMO

Narrated by Michael Moore

9:00 P.M.

Personal Finance Seminar: “Businesses Don’t Create Jobs”

Hosted by Barack Obama

9:30 P.M.

Group Condemnation of Bitter Gun Owners.

10:00 P.M.

Ceremonial “We Surrender!” Waving of the White Flag

10:30 P.M.

Short film, “Setting Up Your Own Illegal Email Server While Serving in A Cabinet Post and How to Pretend It’s No Big Deal”

Hosted by Hillary Clinton

11:00 P.M.

Official Nomination of Kamala Harris

Anchors: Bill Maher and Chris Matthews

11:30 P.M.

Group apology for being old and white led by Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden and Bill Clinton.