Here’s something that goes around periodically — a satire of the Democratic national convention schedule. I’d be happy to publish a Republican schedule if someone sends it to me. I have looked and can’t find one.
The 2020 DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION SCHEDULE
DAY ONE: Monday August 17, 2020
1:30 P.M.
Free lunch, free medical marijuana, and a free bus ride to the convention. Food Stamp enrollment forms available
2:00 P.M.
Group Voter Registration for undocumented immigrants and deceased citizens
3:30 P.M.
Opening Flag Burning Ceremony
Sponsored by CNN, hosted by Don Lemon
4:00 P.M.
Address on “Being the Real You”
Speakers: Rachel Dolezal, former President of the Spokane NAACP, and former Olympian Caitlyn Jenner
4:30 P.M.
“How to Bank $200 Million as a Public Servant and Claim to be Broke”
Seminar led by Hillary Clinton
5:00 P.M.
“How to Have a Successful Career Without Ever Having a Job, and Still Avoid Paying Taxes.”
Seminar Moderated by Rev. Al Sharpton and Rev. Jesse Jackson
5:30 P.M.
Medal of Freedom presentation to Army deserter Bo Bergdahl
6:00 P.M.
Invitation-only Autograph Session
Souvenir photographs of Elizabeth Warren dressed in Native American clothing
6:30 P.M.
Tribute to All of the 57 States
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi
7:00 P.M.
General vote praising Baltimore rioters, and on using the terminology “Alternative Shoppers” instead of “Looters”
7:30 P.M.
The “Semantics Committee” Meeting.
General vote on re-branding “Muslim Terrorism” as “Countering Islamophobia”
8:00 P.M
“Liberal Bias in Media: How to Make It Work for You.”
Tutorial by CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, the Washington Post and The New York Times
8:30 P.M.
Tribute Film to the Brave Freedom Fighters still incarcerated at GITMO
Narrated by Michael Moore
9:00 P.M.
Personal Finance Seminar: “Businesses Don’t Create Jobs”
Hosted by Barack Obama
9:30 P.M.
Group Condemnation of Bitter Gun Owners.
10:00 P.M.
Ceremonial “We Surrender!” Waving of the White Flag
10:30 P.M.
Short film, “Setting Up Your Own Illegal Email Server While Serving in A Cabinet Post and How to Pretend It’s No Big Deal”
Hosted by Hillary Clinton
11:00 P.M.
Official Nomination of Kamala Harris
Anchors: Bill Maher and Chris Matthews
11:30 P.M.
Group apology for being old and white led by Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden and Bill Clinton.
A shelter is about the worst place for a dog, and Philadelphia’s was once one…
The post mortem continues, with the Inquirer headlining, in the print edition, a story ,…
Donald J. Trump has a mandate for action, and if Republicans capture the House, in…
As you know, I enjoy spirited debate, and even creative name-calling. The election is over.…
Well, ain’t that something. In what I can’t help seeing as a trolling of Mark…
Has Tom Hanks packed his bags yet? The once and future president (Photo: AP) No,…