Want to ‘Go green’? Here’s an idea

Before I started to write today’s column, which happened yesterday — isn’t time travel fun? — I decided to have a libation in honor of Memorial Day, which I will return to later.

So my tone might be a little different, as I glanced at Page One of the Inquirer, which told that the “yellow phase” now encompasses most of the Commonwealth. Not Philadelphia, however, where the “yellow phase” still means public urination. That changes June 5 when Philly gets half unlocked. The city has been half baked for some time.

The nearest “green” county is Snyder, so if you want complete freedom you can go there — except there is no “there” there. The fifth smallest county in Pennsylvania is 150 miles northwest of Philadelphia. It is 329 square miles (Philadelphia is 141 square miles), while Snyder’s population is about 40,000, and Philly is 1.5 million. In 2016, Snyder gave 70% of its vote to Donald J. Trump for president.

OK, so no to Snyder, no to the Poconos and no to the Shore, speaking for myself here. Half-Pint and I plan to take Nut Bag to a local park for a run. I don’t know if dog parks are “open” or “not,” but since all he wants to do is fight with other dogs, that is out of the question.

In the yellow phase, as under the yellow NASCAR flag, nothing much happens. Bars, restaurants, gyms, salons, malls, movie theaters and strip clubs remain closed. So even if things go according to plan, and Philly goes yellow on June 5, not all that much will change.

I have pretty much gotten my “essentials” since lockdown began — just got an air-conditioning filter at Home Depot today. Rocco’s sandwich stand outside was closed, but Shank’s was open on Columbus Boulevard, doing takeaway business.

I am going to need a haircut soon, unless Half-Pint uses the dog’s electric shears on me and I see no reason why that won’t work, especially if she give me a liver-flavored treat.

I have decided not to wade into the “open house of worship” debate because, truth be told, I did not go before, so why would I go now? I know others who miss that religious community, just as others miss the community of strip clubs, no disrespect to houses of worship intended. Different strokes for different folks.

I can’t squander the opportunity to observe this is a weekend that we should remember and reflect on the ultimate sacrifice made by members of our armed forces — which include all races, religions, genders, ages, ethnicities.

You are in our hearts. Thank you.