Virus: Humor in The Great Isolation

Some people think some topics are too serious to joke about. 

I don’t agree. I think any subject can be satirized or mocked, even coronavirus/covid-19/China Virus, whatever you want to call it.

However, one thing I learned during my 60-year print career is there are limits. You avoid mocking death itself, or the victim. That’s why journalists have editors.

I will admit to a double standard. I am much more liberal about memes and jokes I post on Facebook. Those I find funny are usually authored by someone else. They are often political and I make fun of both sides because I am a middlest, I am tied to no political party. I particularly like jokes that attack stupidity or hypocrisy. Almost anything goes.

However, I am more circumspect about what I post in my own column under my own name. I am my own editor, but I run my stuff past Half-Pint, my loving girlfriend. She warns if I cross a line and I almost always listen to her.

So what we have here are a collection of jokes and memes culled from the internet that I find acceptable in week 2 of what I call The Great Isolation.

Humor, as I warn, is subjective. Everyone is different and if you don’t like some of these, turn the page or post a blistering comment. Generally speaking, I fall on the side of maximum freedom of expression, even with jokes. I will credit when I know the author.

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I just went out for a walk. Things are so bad, my shadow stayed 6 feet from me. – Howie Fox.

What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.

I asked my doctor if I need to cancel my birthday party, but she said that’s only for events over 10 people. – Conan O’Brien.

Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story….

So I guess this is what it’s like being a monk … Except with pizza and Netflix. – Carol Leifer. 

Why didn’t the sick guy get the joke? It flu over his head.

Why don’t chefs find coronavirus jokes funny? They’re in bad taste.

I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.

Nail salons, hair salons, waxing centers and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.

Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.

What do you tell yourself when you wake up late for work and realize you have a fever? Self, I so late.

Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.

What did the sick parent make their kids for lunch? Mac and sneeze.

How long before Purell costs more per barrel than oil? – Paul Provenza.

You know what they’re saying about 2020? It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.

What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst kase scenario.

Back in my day you would cough to cover up a fart. Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough.

If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033? There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens.

What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke? Be patient.

The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. All that’s left is de brie.

So many coronavirus jokes out there, it’s a pundemic.

With nothing on (no sports, late night shows), I ended up watching HGTV which is the same as being in coronavirus isolation. – Doug Ankerman.

Currently the worst job: census taker. – Howie Fox

I wanted zombies, not this.

Every disaster movie starts with the government ignoring a scientist.

Finally introverts experience a world that is suited for us. All events are cancelled. — Chun E.

A guy wearing a mask walks into the bank and you are relieved because he’s only robbing the place.

This is great for Jehovah Witnesses. They know everyone is home.

Panhandlers are asking you to toss your loose change to them.

Pass along the ones you like.