Uncategorized

The press conference Kamala should give

A press conference I wish Kamala Harris would give 

Good morning.

I called this rare press conference in order to address an important issue to all of us, and when I say all of us, I mean me.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. 

You haven’t heard that laugh for a while, have you? That’s intentional.

Sounds like I fell out of a coconut tree, as my mother used to say.

Did I mention I grew up middle class? Yes? Good.

Today is my 60th birthday — campaign donations instead of cake, please — and the purpose of this nyabingi  (that’s Jamaican for gathering) is to make things clear. I love making things clear, and clear is clearly good. Clear? I will set the record straight on my positions, which some have said spin around like a weathervane in a hurricane. 

I realize I can’t expect a lot of people to support me if they don’t know my positions, and my core values.

My core values are equal opportunity for all, but not equal outcomes. Also love of country. Yes, to paraphrase Barack Obama, where else could the daughters of two immigrants have enjoyed a middle-class — did I mention that? — life, the opportunity to excel in our occupations, and to date celebrities? God bless America! 

My core values are like an umbrella shaft, but the canopy — boy, there’s the problem. Oh! I said “boy!” Of course, I meant person.

Harris is my father’s name. Can you imagine what might have become of me if I used my mother’s name, Gopalan?

Anyway — and I am getting to the point, so don’t go all Bret Baier on me — I was born in Oakland, which is even crazier than San Francisco, right across the Bay. Our home had a middle-class lawn.

Being a woman of color, whom Joe Biden wouldn’t bus, had an impact on me, as well as the Oakland social and political culture in which I was raised.

Really, that’s all I knew until the age of 12, when Mom got a job in Montreal, where I spent my teenage years. And you know how socialistic those Canadians are, right?

Then I went to Howard University, which is called the “Black Harvard.” That’s in D.C., another crazy environment.

If you were raised in my environment, you, too, might have wanted to ban fracking, decriminalize border crossings, mandate electric vehicles, eliminate private insurance through Medicare for all, offer free medical care for illegals, confiscate “assault rifles,”  pay for gender reassignment surgery for U.S. criminals and illegals under detention, defund police, dismember ICE, and, well, the list goes on.

Wow! If I were any farther Left, I’d be Cornel West.

Those ideas, yes, amount to “San Francisco values,” and they were OK when I was the San Francisco D.A., and then the California attorney general. Those cockamamie ideas actually got me into the U.S. Senate.

But then — former racist Joe Biden selected me as his choice for vice president, and suddenly the white patriarchy doesn’t seem so bad. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

As vice president, I had an epiphany. It was like a thunderclap. I was no longer representing just the sprouts, granola and nuts West Coast crowd, I was suddenly representing the whole of America, including blood red Oklahoma and Mormon Utah and rebel South Carolina.

As a public servant (that’s what elected officials like to call ourselves), I concluded I would have to move closer to the rest of America in order to be an effective servant (and also maybe to get elected.)

Just as I learned Biden is not a racist (I never really thought he was), I learned that the moderate positions held by most Americans actually make sense.

Outside of California, of course.

Like you, my ideas were formed when I was in my teens. Like you, I did a lot of silly things.

I am now 60, and have re-evaluated them, as many of you have done.

So I am asking you to believe me.

As Ronald Reagan liked to say, “Trust, but verify.”

To verify, you have to elect me.

What have you got to lose?

Oops. That’s what the other guy says.

Let’s go with hope — that I won’t change.

Stu Bykofsky

View Comments

  • This person is within the Margin of Error of becoming the next President of the United States. Talk about doing "silly things" - we as citizens not voting for the One Person who can realistically prevent this is silliest.

  • Makes many good and very basic points, Stu. We're not all of us into fruits and nuts. When it comes to fracking, I wish she'd talk about learning 1) that dirty as it can be, the industry is working hard to clean it up. And 2) That when you learn how much it can reduce worldwide CO2 emissions for complex technical reasons, and how ideal it is for stabilizing a grid that relies on a lot of wind and solar, the value of fracked gas becomes almost undeniable. In other words, as you grow and learn things, any intelligent person's beliefs will change. It's not about waffling with the wind.

  • Everyone with common sense on both sides of the aisle knows the Harris and Biden administration has been a disaster. Their domestic and foreign policies have hurt the country and the world. And now the democrats have forced Kamala Harris on us with out a vote. Hard to believe that the polls say it is close. Are there that many dumb Americans.

  • It truly is the "United States of Amnesia", to quote Van Jones. How quickly some Americans forget the crazy four years under Trump: waffling on the Covid response, raising the national debt into the trillions by destroying the healthy economy that Obama left him, praising worldwide dictators, breaking the Emoluments Clause rules, disrespecting veterans by attacking John McCain as a "loser" for being a Prisoner of War, the unending stream of lies, whining and blaming others for almost everything, appointing his totally unqualified family to high administration positions, denying climate change, etc. The list goes on and is truly exhausting. It defies logic how anyone with any shred of integrity and conscience could possibly want a convicted felon, sexual abuser, misogynist, pathological liar, failed businessman and wife cheater as our next President.

    • Barbara, you answered your own question. No one with any shred of integrity and conscience could possibly want a convicted felon sexual abuser misogynist hypocritical liar failed businessman and wife cheater as our next president. The MAGAts lack integrity and conscience.

  • It's funny Kamala Harris called Joe Biden a racist when it worked for her. When he picked Harris for a Vice President he was no longer a racist. Hopefully people will think about the damage Biden and Harris did to our country over the past 4 years. Hopefully people won't vote for Harris and the knucklehead.

    • Can you please elaborate on what damage you mean precisely? I’m very interested in seeing that damage enumerated.

        • Where have I heard something similar before? Oh yeah, When your ilk keeps saying the election was stolen from that orange-skinned POS but never shows the so-called prove it supposedly has.

  • What a dumb question. Are you really that much of a low information voter that you don’t know the damage Biden and Harris have caused the country. It’s people like you that voted for these incompetent fools that gave us these 4 disastrous years.

    • Hey ̶D̶a̶n̶i̶e̶l̶ ,aka fuckturd why are you afraid to answer Wanda's question? You are great when it comes to making accusations but you never give any valid reasons for those accusations. It is time to put up or shut up you phony piece of shit!

        • Why do I have to spell out the obvious. Haven’t you been paying attention. The border, high inflation, high interest rates paying for 2 wars that should have never happened all the woke bullshit I could go on and on. But you 2assholes will come up with some excuses to blame Trump. For your information Trump wasn’t in office when everything went down hill. People like you 2 idiots are destroying our country.

          • Once again, you fuckturd, you speak in generalities rather than giving details. That is one of the many reasons why you are, and always will be, a piece of shit.

          • Your willful ignorance is stunning. You must spend all day, every day with your nose up Fox "News'" ass, Daniel. That's literally the only way you could get this incredibly dumb in just one lifetime.

  • Can't wait for the news conference Stu wants Trump to give explaining his "care values"

    (Actually, it would be pretty short: "It's me. I'm my core value. Anything else is for the suckers, like the folks buried at Arlington.")

    • You answered your own question, Tom. Why would I ask a question when I already know the answer? Well, maybe to get him on the record, but his supporters don’t care about boring stuff like that.

  • The Democrats who have read this seem to be getting angrier and angrier, slinging around the F-bomb and hurling insults at Trump supporters.
    You know what they say, personal attacks indicate that someone has no further logical argument.

    • "𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙨𝙖𝙮, 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙨 𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙣𝙤 𝙛𝙪𝙧𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙤𝙜𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡 𝙖𝙧𝙜𝙪𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩."

      Who are "they" Sara?

      If what "they" say is accurate that would mean the orange-skinned POS who you MAGAts so lovingly adore has never had any logical arguments nor has fuckturd and several others here.

    • In addition Sara, what makes you so sure I am a Democrat? There are a number of political affiliations I could be part of, which includes being a Republican who sees the orange-skinned POS for what he is, a bull-shit artist.

      • In detail give us all the successful things the democrats and the Harris Biden administration have given the American people.

        • Let's start here, genius: Jobs created under Republican administrations over the past 40 years: one million. Jobs created under Democratic administrations over the past 40 years: 53 million. I could go on and on and on, but you're obviously never going to actually look up a fact, and if you did, you wouldn't recognize it as such.

Recent Posts

Guest essay: Swarthmore vs its Jewish students

This is an open letter to the Board of Managers of Swarthmore College, from Benjamin…

3 days ago

It’s checkmate as Kamala plays chess on Fox News

If you tuned into Fox News for a big helping of word salad, you left…

6 days ago

What are Kamala Harris’ core values?

It’s not in my nature to be indecisive. A bad decision is better than no…

1 week ago

How to settle the automation issue

After a brief, just-for-show strike, Atlantic and Gulf coast longshoremen returned to work, having agreed…

2 weeks ago

Inquirer plays up the Suicide Squad Jews

I am not sure how many people Rabbi Linda Holtzman, Philly’s most radical chic rabbi,…

2 weeks ago

My faulty allegiance to my baseball teams

It’s hard to believe in the long history of baseball, this is the first time…

2 weeks ago