The first night at the RNC — almost

The plan was to watch the first night of the Republican National Convention, analyze it, condense it, and explain it.

As Mike Tyson said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”

The first punch came Saturday, with the attempted assassination of former President Donald J. Trump. Not only did he survive, but he created an iconic image that you see above.

As we watched the first reports, my wife turned to me and said, “Now Donald Trump will be re-elected.” I agreed with her.

The second punch came when Trump jumped the gun (sorry about the firearms metaphor) and announced before the official start of the convention that J.D. Vance was his choice for vice president.

That was a surprise because I thought Trump would tease this for a couple of more days — a couple of more days of Vance, Marco Rubio, Tim Scott, Doug Burgum, and others kissing his ass singing his praises to the skies.

In terms of old time conventional politics, Vance is a conventional pick. Truly a bootstrap story, Vance, 39 (that makes him a millennial), was born adjacent to Appalachia, served in the Marine Corps as a combat correspondent, later graduated from Ohio State and earned a law degree at Yale, before writing best-seller “Hillbilly Elegy.” He became the voice of the working poor.

He was elected to the Senate last year. (Eight years earlier he said he was a “never Trump” guy, and wrote that Trump’s policies “range from immoral to absurd.” Whoops. (Well, Kamala Harris essentially called Joe Biden a racist before he tapped her for VP.)

Vance apparently attended voluntary re-education camp and came out full MAGA.

So the ticket is Trump/Vance, something that is probably unique — a national ticket comprised of two straight, white, Christian males.

The identity-obsessed Democrats would never do that, and probably no other national party would do that either.

If you are a Democrat, you say that proves the GOP’s white supremacy, racism, sexism, homophobia, fascism, and maybe bestiality.

If you are a Republican, you say pffffft to all that PC crap. “We select on merit, and only merit.”

If you are me, it’s fun to speculate that Trump declined to even provide the appearance of pandering to women, Blacks, gays, or anyone else.

It’s a perverted form of honesty. He didn’t need need Vance’s Ohio — he already has that. All Vance brings is a far right philosophy and a pit bull’s bite.

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So my plan was to watch Monday night’s festivities, but honestly, having been visiting family in West Virginia for three days, and losing a lot of sleep watching reports on the assassination attempt, I doubt I could stay awake through the convention.

So you get this instead. Enjoy.