Resign! White House dogs are told

It was bound to happen. In addition to calls for U.S. Reps Matt Gaetz (Florida) and Marjorie Taylor Green (Georgia) to resign, and for New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo to resign, it’s no surprise that the White House dogs are being called on to resign.

In what I suspect was a tongue-in-cheek job, Manny Fidel wrote in Business Insider that the dogs must go.

You probably know that Major, adopted in 2018, has two bites (that we know of) on his resume, while Fidel writes that senior dog Champ left a pile of poop out the Diplomatic Reception Room. Fidel wrote this with zero evidence, saying the dog was a “possible culprit.”

(Some of the hyenas on the Far Right have a much better possible doo-doo doer. They are circulating word that the unloader is actually the incontinent president. Their conspiracy theory, not mine. No one has checked the feces DNA.)

But there is a serious aspect to this.

Every dog gets “one free bite,” meaning if the dog has never bitten anyone, it is believed he is not a biter. The first bite can be regarded as a mistake.

But not the second.

Amd this happened after Major received training after the first bite. 

“You turn a corner, and there’s two people you don’t know at all,” Biden said after the first bite. “And he moves to protect. But he’s a sweet dog. Eighty-five percent of the people there love him. He just — all he does is lick them and wag his tail.”

This begs the question of how the remaining 15 percent feel.

In Major’s defense, let me say this: He came from a shelter. No matter how good the shelter, it is a maddening environment for dogs. It can leave dogs psychologically scarred. Second, the White House is a new and strange environment for him. Some dogs love new environments, others feel threatened by them, maybe especially a shelter dog. Third, as a breed, German Shepherds are known to be very protective of family, being wary of strangers. The White House staff is nothing but strangers. 

The defense rests.

All the explanations don’t change the fact that, yes, Major is a biter. He has proven himself a danger, even if minor, to the White House staff.

The Bidens can’t return him.

Uncle Joe took criticism from animal lovers when he bought Champ from a breeder, so this time — good for him — he adopted from a shelter. When you adopt, you supposedly are providing a “forever home.” 

Returning him would be a PR disaster. The wisest thing would be for Major to live with a family member back in Delaware. Maybe he could keep Hunter out of trouble.

If the Bidens want to keep him in the White House, Major needs a muzzle.

Think about that image — the president’s pet hooked up like Hannibal Lecter. 

That would launch 1,000 memes.

Hmmm. Biden has a problem pooch, he needs to dump it, but can’t do it himself.

Maybe he can let Major live with the Clintons.