Resign! White House dogs are told

It was bound to happen. In addition to calls for U.S. Reps Matt Gaetz (Florida) and Marjorie Taylor Green (Georgia) to resign, and for New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo to resign, it’s no surprise that the White House dogs are being called on to resign.

Major being walked by White House staffer (Photo: BBC)

In what I suspect was a tongue-in-cheek job, Manny Fidel wrote in Business Insider that the dogs must go.

You probably know that Major, adopted in 2018, has two bites (that we know of) on his resume, while Fidel writes that senior dog Champ left a pile of poop out the Diplomatic Reception Room. Fidel wrote this with zero evidence, saying the dog was a “possible culprit.”

(Some of the hyenas on the Far Right have a much better possible doo-doo doer. They are circulating word that the unloader is actually the incontinent president. Their conspiracy theory, not mine. No one has checked the feces DNA.)

But there is a serious aspect to this.

Every dog gets “one free bite,” meaning if the dog has never bitten anyone, it is believed he is not a biter. The first bite can be regarded as a mistake.

But not the second.

Amd this happened after Major received training after the first bite. 

“You turn a corner, and there’s two people you don’t know at all,” Biden said after the first bite. “And he moves to protect. But he’s a sweet dog. Eighty-five percent of the people there love him. He just — all he does is lick them and wag his tail.”

This begs the question of how the remaining 15 percent feel.

In Major’s defense, let me say this: He came from a shelter. No matter how good the shelter, it is a maddening environment for dogs. It can leave dogs psychologically scarred. Second, the White House is a new and strange environment for him. Some dogs love new environments, others feel threatened by them, maybe especially a shelter dog. Third, as a breed, German Shepherds are known to be very protective of family, being wary of strangers. The White House staff is nothing but strangers. 

The defense rests.

All the explanations don’t change the fact that, yes, Major is a biter. He has proven himself a danger, even if minor, to the White House staff.

The Bidens can’t return him.

Uncle Joe took criticism from animal lovers when he bought Champ from a breeder, so this time — good for him — he adopted from a shelter. When you adopt, you supposedly are providing a “forever home.” 

Returning him would be a PR disaster. The wisest thing would be for Major to live with a family member back in Delaware. Maybe he could keep Hunter out of trouble.

If the Bidens want to keep him in the White House, Major needs a muzzle.

Think about that image — the president’s pet hooked up like Hannibal Lecter. 

That would launch 1,000 memes.

Hmmm. Biden has a problem pooch, he needs to dump it, but can’t do it himself.

Maybe he can let Major live with the Clintons. 

11 thoughts on “Resign! White House dogs are told”

  1. Ahh, the dog’s day of Aug// whoops April fools day. A private detective friend of mine once had an owner of a Jewelry store ask if he could supply a K-9 dog for his store over the weekend as he had a delivery of very expensive diamonds and he would secure them more heavily on Monday. So my friend had no access to police dogs so he asks his neighbor if he could borrow his mutt for the weekend and he would pay him. The neighbor agreed and he took the poor mutt to a store but on the way to the client bought a muzzle and placed it on the dog and when he met the owner at the store he asked him to step back and pushed the poor dog into the store for the weekend charging $40 an hour. My suggestion to my old friend Joe is to get a cat because many of his city leaders and supporters are pussillanimous pardon my spelling and will make the entire month one extended fool’s day.

  2. HAPPYTHURSDAY !!!
    Stu,
    One of my many say’n’s; people can have kids but it takes parents to raise children. Same for dogs and other critters. As you so rightly pointed out. Major came from a “questionable” background. Children and pets need to get acclimated to their surroundings. Under the best of terms, a dog with spirit needs more attention and less intervention. I’m sure that that is not the case for Major or the President.
    As for the biting. Who, what, when , ….. Big difference between “protect” and hyper.
    If we’re doing jokes ( April Fools’ Day ), hopefully Major bit a RINO ! Definitely a SWAMP DWELLER !
    Tony
    Tony

  3. Suggestion — Send Biden with the dogs. Solves the problem of the dogs biting staff and it sol ves gthe problem of the mess Basement Joe is making of the country.

  4. “Dog bites man, that’s not news. Man bites dog — that’s news!” — John Bogart (among others)

  5. Stu, when you said “No matter how good the shelter, it is a maddening environment for dogs. It can leave dogs psychologically scarred.” you were right. One of my rescue dogs cannot be put into a cage because of originally being put into a kill shelter cage. While he is not a biter, the first time I took him to be groomed the groomer put him in a cage while waiting his turn. He wound up chewing on one of his front paws to the point if drawing some blood. Since then they allow him to roam free in one of the empty rooms.

    1. HAPPY FRIDAY !!!
      H.B.,
      Sorry to hear about your dog, but glad that those around him care enough to think things through.
      People get scared the same way………..
      Tony

  6. Dogs often play a part in print cartoons. Two dog-related cartoons come to my mind: the first I saw in The New Yorker many years ago. It showed a skier up to his neck in snow, obviously in distress. The skier sees a rescue dog, a Saint Bernard with a whiskey keg around its neck. The punch line was the skier saying, “Ah! Here comes man’s best friend — and a dog!” The second was in National Lampoon. It showed an obviously blind beggar and his dog, the dog lying on its back next to the beggar with its legs up in the air. The beggar is wearing a sign around his neck reading, “I am blind and my dog is dead.” Finally probably the most famous magazine cover ever printed. Again, the National Lampoon. The cover shows a dog looking sideways with a gun at its head. The cover reads, “Buy this magazine or we’ll kill this dog!” Naturally, the cover outraged, as it was designed to do.

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