Mummers: Ban Democrats

In an exclusive (and satirical) response to Major Jim Kenney’s threat to ban the Mummers Parade, the Mummers have demanded an end to the Democratic Party in Philadelphia.

In a letter to the four Mummers divisions, Kenney specifically noted two men appearing in blackface, which is prohibited by parade rules.

“This selfish, hateful behavior,” the mayor wrote, while weeping into a hankie, “has no place in the Mummers, or the city itself.”

In response, the Mummers wrote, “There are more elected Democratic officials in jail on grounds of corruption than there have ever been Mummers in blackface. “This selfish, hateful behavior has no place in the city, yet it persists after many, many warnings.”

The Democratic Party has shown it can’t police itself and must be banned, said the Mummers, adding, “with homicide out of control and poverty levels beyond belief, you would think the mayor would have more important things to do.”