Laughing at the virus


All work and no play makes Jack, or Stu, a dull boy. So today, just for fun, a bunch of jokes about COVID-19 and the lockdown. These were sent to me by a friend and they come off the internet.

*Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

*I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.

*I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

*I still haven’t decided where to go for Memorial Day: The Living Room or the Bedroom.

*PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

*Homeschooling is going well. Two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job.

 *I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.

 *This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog . . . we laughed a lot.

 *So, after this quarantine will the producers of “My 600 Pound Life” just find me or do I find them?

 *Quarantine Day 15: Went to this restaurant called “The Kitchen.” You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

*My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

*Day 15 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

*Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

*Day 16 of Homeschooling: My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year.”

*Better six feet apart than six feet under.

9 thoughts on “Laughing at the virus”

  1. Some captions for some cartoons I’ve drawn:
    Man drunk in bar mumbling, “Social distancing is costing me five grand a month in alimony!”
    Courtroom, lawyer in hazmat suit says to judge dressed in same: “Permission to approach the bench”
    Dog wearing facemask: “I sniff maybe 20 strange butts a day, and I have to wear a mask for a virus?”
    etc.

    1. From a friend
      I put liquor bottles in every room. Tonight getting dressed up and going bar hopping.

      I realized why dogs get so excited about something moving outside, going for walks, or car rides. I think I just barked at a squirrel.

      Struck up a conversation with a spider today. Seems nice. He’s a Web designer.

      Don’t blame me….I’m just passing on. Besides, I’m havin’ fun checkin’ out Stu’s previous posts and realizing what I missed.

  2. Thanks for sharing new jokes! I share all the funny and sometimes interesting videos and utubes and that are sent to me and send out to my church friends and another list of friends and family all over the world! It helps to laugh out loud at some of them, or get the wit!
    One I like, With all the huge demand in delivery services, Fed Ex and UPS have merged and become Fed-Up!

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