I can imagine the herky-jerky excitement at McDonald’s headquarters in Chicago.
No, not because of the nearby Democratic National Convention.
It’s because the possible next President of the United States, and her husband, were both employees at one time, with potential First Husband having been an “employee of the month.”
And he brags about it, to this day.
“We’ve got to take advantage of this,” says the VP of marketing.
“We’ve got to leverage this,” says the VP of public engagement.
“Let’s talk about this over lunch,” says the CEO. “Someone call in an order to Burger King.”
This is fiction, you understand, right?
This is a Golden Opportunity for the Golden Arches.
Talk about branding! Talk about joy!
Marketing guy: “Let’s get something to market, something new.”
Engagement: “Something people can relate to.”
CEO: “Get new products in here,” taking a bite of the Whopper.
The executives eat for a few minutes, until the VP of New Products arrives.
New Products: “I was just in the lab, working on a new side dish, fried meal worms. What’s up?”
Marketing: “Did you know that both Kamala and Doug are both former Mickey D employees?”
New Products: “Who?”
CEO: “The Democrat nominee for President and her husband.”
New Products: “Oh! Got it! I thought you said Carmella. I know all about Kamala. She’s the one with the laugh.”
CEO: “They both worked here. We want to capitalize on that. We need a new product in their honor.”
New Products: “How soon do you need it?”
CEO: “November 6, assuming she wins. We don’t need a new burger named for a loser. That’s why Trump Steaks tanked.”
Engagement: “Trump University, too.”
CEO: “Enough.”
Marketing: “Trump Vodka.”
Engagement: “Trump Shuttle.”
CEO: “Enough!”
New Products: “OK, a burger. Got it. Give me a minute,” he says, grabbing a notepad.
The executives watch in silence as New Products doodles.
New Products: “Got it!”
CEO: “That was fast.”
New Products: “Fast food, fast ideas. We launch a luncheon goat burger.”
CEO: “A what?”
New Products: “Goat. It’s a staple in Jamaica, that’s where her father is from.”
Engagement: “I like it, although we never seem to hear about him. What do we do to tie into her mother?”
New Products: “On the goat burger, Vindaloo sauce. It’s Indian, like her mother.”
Marketing: “Genius! I can picture it now, with small decals of the flags of Jamaica and India.”
CEO: “What does the Indian flag look like?”
Marketing: “Like Ireland, but horizontal. With a thingee in the middle.”
Engagement: “What about Doug? How do we work him in?”
New Products: “Instead of a sesame bun for the goat burger — a bagel!”
Marketing: “No schmear?”
New Products: “Wouldn’t be kosher.”
CEO: “What’s the price point?”
Marketing: “I’m thinking $6.66.”
Engagement: “I can’t think of a thing wrong with that.”
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