Having the “best” time at the impoundment lot

The plaque on the wall says “Best City Agency.”

The wall is on the welcome center dreary double-wide impound lot building operated by the Philadelphia Parking Authority at 6 E. Oregon, a truly desolate stretch of a street just behind nowhere.

The plaque was from the 2023 “Best of Philadelphia” issue of Philadelphia magazine, which I don’t  take seriously — not even my “best columnist” designation in 2011.

Some of the awards — mine? — I suspect, were awarded just to create controversy. Others — mine? — were awarded on merit.

I am not a kneejerk hater of the PPA, even though I have taken it to task a couple of dozen times when its agents wrote bad tickets and PPA didn’t quickly own up to it. Many other columnists have done the same.

And yet, I’ve estimated that upward of 98% of tickets are valid. 

But when you write upwards of 1 million tickets a year, that’s 20,000 that are bad.

The one that my wife got the other day was earned. It was Sunday and she parked in one of those parking lanes on JFK that’s 12 feet off the sidewalk to accommodate a bike lane that almost no one uses. She did not notice a “consul only” parking sign, which is on the sidewalk, quite a distance from the parking lane. She noticed it only after she came back to her car and found only an empty spot. 

She did some quick search, came home for a minute, then grabbed me and a Lyft and headed to the impound lot, or the long, flat, narrow office building outside the cyclone fencing behind which towed cars are parked.

We enter the colorless, oblong interior and find no  directions telling us where to go. There were about a half a dozen teller-style windows, about half “customer service,” about half “cashier.”

No instructions where to go first, so we ask one of the other lost souls trying to retrieve their automobiles.

You must go to the service window first, which are the windows furthest from the entry door. That is odd.

You go to the service window to prove you are the owner of the car you are claiming. That is perfectly sensible.

My wife, Half-Pint, being very clever, had downloaded and printed out the paperwork during her brief stop at home. Most people leave the registration and insurance card in the glove compartment. 

Those people had to wait to be escorted to their car to get the paperwork.

Since Half-Pint had her paperwork, she submitted it to the agent, then was sent to wait in the cashier line to pay. That was $175 for the tow, plus $51 for the parking offense.

After which, yes, she had to return to the service window to get paperwork to show the impound lot attendant, who allows people in one at a time.

Seems to me there is at least one unnecessary stop, maybe even two. One agent couldn’t handle proof of ownership and payment?

One other thing. The lot is open 24 hours a day, but the cashier is not, and you can’t get your car without paying.

So if your car gets towed, make sure there is a cashier on duty before heading to the Badlands of South Philly. 

So much for PPA’s “best” from Philly mag.