5 things Kamala needs to do to win

Well, almost no one was expecting this, Vice President Harris.

You are thisclose to getting the Democratic nomination for President, making you the torch bearer of the youth (compared to the other guys), and the next woman to try to shatter the glass ceiling.

I am here to help.

Unlike the loyal Democrats who support you and will tell you only things you want to hear, I am a disloyal Democrat and will tell you the unpleasant truth, as I see it. 

Being as you are a far Left progressive Democrat female, you are likely to hear this as mansplaining, because progressives have conditioned themselves to think of other people solely as the product and captives of their gender, race, ethnicity, or zip code.

This is a fallacy. People are much more complicated than that. Even men.

What qualifies me to give you advice, other than male ego? 😄

I have been a professional journalist for more than 60 years, and I have been lied to by politicians, restaurateurs, actors, TV anchors, retailers, manufacturers, cops, priests, and even public relations people. This has given me a potent bullshit detector, and an ability to read social and political situations. (Not so good at math, I concede.)

I grew up in the projects, so I know how everyday Americans think. I went to college and through my newspaper jobs was exposed to the upper class, and elites, and I know how they think.

I’ve been deeply immersed in politics for as long as you have, but I have been studying both Democrats and Republicans, unlike most of those around you. 

Since I do want you to win, here are my suggestions, based on reading political tea leaves, learned experiences and gut.

1- Get rid of the cackle. That is probably the No. 1 thing the Trumpsters use to attack you. They say you sound like you are high on Cosmopolitans. 

Me? I think it is sincere, unlike the wholly manufactured Hillary Clinton cackle, which emerged occasionally alongside her fake drawl when talking in Black churches.

I think you are actually a happy person, someone ebullient and easy to make laugh. You’d be a good audience for Joe Conklin.

But it doesn’t work for you. It makes you sound a little deranged, and, well, unserious. I do not think it is gender specific, but I can’t think of a male politician with a similarly explosive laugh. If necessary, pop a Valium before public appearances, but lose the laugh.

2- Don’t respond to the name-calling. As I explained in another column, Donald J. Trump can’t help himself. Name-calling is part of his brand, like stink is a skunk’s. And it isn’t sexist or misogynist, because he calls men the same kind of names.

Resist the temptation to answer in kind and call him Tubby, no matter how urgent the temptation. Let your surrogates get into the knife fights. 

3- Lay off referring to your race and gender. Democrats have a bad reputation as whiners. OK, so does Trump. When he loses, he blames it on “rigged” elections. When Democrats lose they blame it on race, gender, religion, or some other kind of phobia. 

It’s obvious you are a person of color and a woman. (Unlike progressives, I know what a woman is.) 

The average American is tired of hearing Joy Reid talking points about race and gender. Don’t go there.

4- Select a “normal” running mate. Note I used “normal” in quotes, to denote sarcasm. What I mean is, pick someone without built-in enemies.

What I said a minute ago about race and gender — of course there is a percentage of the electorate who will not vote for a woman. A Gallup poll found only 6% who would not vote for a woman for president.

I could not find polling reporting the percentage of whites who would not vote for a Black candidate, but it is some number.

Some, maybe many, Democrats say Hillary lost because of sexism. Actually, she lost because she took Wisconsin for granted. Hillary actually won a majority of Americans’ votes. Why blame sexism rather than her being not a very good candidate?

So, yes, I admit there is some sexism, but it is not determinative. Same with racism.

And there is  some anti-Semitism, and there is some homophobia, so steer away from Josh Shapiro and Pete Buttigieg. 

Nothing against them, but if you add the sliver of Jew haters and gay haters to women and nonwhite haters, you lose enough support to cost you the election.

Ditto a woman for VP. America may swallow one female chief executive, but not two. Not yet.

5- Don’t deny you are the “border czar.” This isn’t Orwell’s “1984.” You can’t erase history. There is videotape, newspaper clippings, and even a House resolution that use the phrase. Instead, concentrate on how much illegal crossings have gone down in the past few months. 

So that’s it. One bonus point: the pantsuits.

Love ‘em. Keep ‘em.